The world according to IdRatherBeSkiing

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

My son and I have Argos season tickets. There was a game tonight. Prior to today, my son had said he wanted to go regardless. I told him that was fine but I would not be going. Then this morning I decided it would go. Sort of a distraction. I should add this is the annual CNE game so tickets get you "free" admission to the CNE (a $25 value) but for some reason game tickets are $25 higher than normal games. But game is part of season ticket package (which I am sure is $25 higher than it otherwise would be). It was a nice distraction. I kept it together until they played "Sweet Caroline". She always did the 'bah-bah-bah's with me and the "so good"s too.

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

Something about us being the same age is hitting me in a way where I'm at a loss for words. You've already shown so much strength over the years, being there for her. Now is the time to find strength in those around you.

What was striking me today was how much she had lost. Since June 2nd she has not been able to get into her wheelchair (she tried once -- it was almost a disaster). This basically killed her independence. The only place she has been was to the hospital and between hospitals since then. Since the brain cancer her short term memory could be questionable. We always joked about it. The radiation made it a bit worse. Whatever happened June 2nd made it really bad. She was working on recovering and her goal was to get back on the wheelchair. Even if she had the days of her being able to go to walmart and do shopping unsupervised (she loved her walmart trips) was not something she could have done anymore. So on an intellectual level I know she is at peace and back with all her faculties wherever she is. That doesn't stop me with missing her with every fibre of my being.

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

Had a nice dinner with some close friends of Mrs. IRBS's (and me) as well as my son and daughter. My oldest daughter went back to Ohio. It was a nice dinner. We laughed. We shared stories. It was at the Spaghetti Factory which we all laughed about because my wife wouldn't eat there anymore. She said she was tired of it. Of course, it is/was my favourite restaurant. It was a nice time and it was something we all needed.

I also had a very frank talk with my daughter. She is technically my step-daughter but lately I have been dropping out the step part. My biggest fear is that once my wife was gone there would be no reason for her to connect with me. That is not the case. She called me her father and I called her my daughter and we hugged and it felt really good.

 

[sadchild]

Very nice

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

Also people I have not notified who are not on Facebook are popping out of the woodwork. I also have had a 'discussion' with my oldest daughter about reception dates but my wife had lined up 3 ministers and trying to find a weekend that all 3 were available was hard and did not line up with her oldest daughter's school schedule. But we found a date (Nov 4th) for the Toronto service (she had previously said she was not going to even attend the Toronto one). The date for the WV service is still TBD although I am pushing for the spring. My oldest daughter is unhappy about that but my middle daughter put out that fire. One less thing on my plate. Meet with funeral home on Monday. Have to decide if I want a viewing (private) prior to the cremation.

The reason the date is not sooner is that my dad would like to come but he won't travel alone. My sister agreed to come with him but she is in lala land most of September. So I made the selfish decision to delay the memorial to October which then go pushed to November 4th.

The religious component of the services are going to be a sticking point for my oldest daughter too. She is a devout Christian (her church is almost cult like). My wife was Wiccan. She has come up with a service which respects the God part of Christianity but without the Christ or at least extremely minimized. Also some Wiccan elements have been added. I intend to run with this service both in Toronto and WV. I sense some resistance already.

I am also very aware that she is running on a thin emotional tightrope and the time following a death can be the hardest times to get through. We just have to get through it.

 

[HecticArt]

You've already shown so much strength over the years, being there for her. Now is the time to find strength in those around you.

Dood, you’re choking me up.
and the advice is spot on.

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

Went back to work today. In office. It was weird. Some people talked to me about it. Some sort of waved to me. Most just ignored me. They sent me a whole bunch of flowers yesterday.

 

[scotchandcigar]

I'd imagine that everyone would want to express sympathy, but some aren't sure if you want to discuss it every 5 seconds. So maybe they figure you might want to keep personal things out of the workplace. Or maybe they're just uncomfortable bringing it up.

 

[HecticArt]

Do they pass a card around to sign at your office?

I've offered a lot of condolences for coworkers parents, but never a spouse. That seems tougher to bring up.

 

[scotchandcigar]

Long ago, I had a very different, but also uncomfortable experience with this kind of thing at work. A year after I started working for the company, My father was unexpectedly diagnosed with end-stage cancer. I had a vacation planned with a college friend. It was at a location where my dad's hospital stay was on the way. So I spent time with my dad, and then joined-up with my friend, as my mom and brother were already with him in the hospital.

But a few days later, my dad passed, and I was back with my family. I called my manager at work to explain the situation, and to tell him that I'd be out for another week. But another shithead manager - who was his office-mate - answered the phone. I asked him to pass along the message to my manager. But he decided that it would be more appropriate to keep quiet until I returned, and then I could tell people myself.

So when I returned to work, no one had any clue about my family situation (except for the shithead I talked to). They all started ribbing me about taking an extra week of vacation; like I was having the time of my life, and decided I didn't want to work anymore. It was really awkward telling each and every one of them what happened.

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

Long ago, I had a very different, but also uncomfortable experience with this kind of thing at work. A year after I started working for the company, My father was unexpectedly diagnosed with end-stage cancer. I had a vacation planned with a college friend. It was at a location where my dad's hospital stay was on the way. So I spent time with my dad, and then joined-up with my friend, as my mom and brother were already with him in the hospital.

But a few days later, my dad passed, and I was back with my family. I called my manager at work to explain the situation, and to tell him that I'd be out for another week. But another shithead manager - who was his office-mate - answered the phone. I asked him to pass along the message to my manager. But he decided that it would be more appropriate to keep quiet until I returned, and then I could tell people myself.

So when I returned to work, no one had any clue about my family situation (except for the shithead I talked to). They all started ribbing me about taking an extra week of vacation; like I was having the time of my life, and decided I didn't want to work anymore. It was really awkward telling each and every one of them what happened.

I found out today that something similar happened at my work. A co-worker pinged me today and said "I heard about your issue. I wish your wife a speedy recovery". So everybody heard she went to the hospital but not that she passed. The people who talked to me yesterday were all management or people who are facebook friends. So the combination of me not seeking out conversations and me assuming everybody knew what was going on created the whole awkward impression that wasn't really awkward at all.

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

I am told that the funeral home removed the words "reception after" in the obit that is going to the paper because strangers crash the funeral for the free food. Just when you think humanity has hit an all time low ... you find out there is more to go.

 

[HecticArt]

But there are a lot of babes at funerals that need comforting......

 

[scotchandcigar]

I am told that the funeral home removed the words "reception after" in the obit that is going to the paper because strangers crash the funeral for the free food. Just when you think humanity has hit an all time low ... you find out there is more to go.

What's even lower is that burglars comb through the obits, to get the addresses of houses that will be unoccupied during the service.

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

So my son and I are going to SK to visit my dad in October. Only for the 3 day Thanksgiving weekend as I don't have any more vacation this year. But it will be good to see him. We are also going to Columbus for Christmas. Again just the 4 days (weekend + 2 stat holidays) to spend with my mother-in-law and daughter. We don't want to spend Christmas in Toronto.

 

[Aaron]

What's even lower is that burglars comb through the obits, to get the addresses of houses that will be unoccupied during the service.

They’re really using their thinking caps, or maybe they teach that in burglary training school.

 

[scotchandcigar]

They’re really using their thinking caps, or maybe they teach that in burglary training school.

Sounds like a skit from In Living Color.

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

It's been one month. A difficult month. I have been ok while busy. I have been able to operate with shields up while in public. But while alone it is still very difficult. I am gathering her pictures and preparing for slide show at memorial service and that has been therapeutic.

 

[HecticArt]

Stay strong buddy.

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

Today my son & I did the "CIBC Run For The Cure". It's a 5K walk (they do have runners who go first). We gathered donations of $101 between us. The money goes to the Canadian Cancer Society in support of breast cancer. While my wife did not die of this particular form of cancer, my logic if they get some money from this then some of the general donations intake can be allocated to researching the type of cancer she got. It was a warm day probably the warmest since we started doing this. Sunny and high in upper 70s. Certainly missed the typical fall highs of mid 60s or even upper 50s. Much harder to endure 5KM when it is hot out. But we survived and are both home now.