Night before jr's christmas


Well-Known Member
Oct 21, 2008
I can see Uranus from here
Text from today's parody on speedway. Posting if anyone wants to print and pass around to friends like I'm planning on doing.

The night before Christmas

T’was the night before Christmas, and all through the house
I was feeling quite poorly, in fact like a louse
The stockings hung empty, no candy, no toys
The tree held no presents for the girls or the boys

The kids acted like it was the end of their life
And I caught me the frostbite standing next to my wife
They all blamed me for the lack of good cheer
Cause I spent all my holiday bonus on beer

I, in my DEI tee-shirt and cap
Had passed out in my recliner for a long winters nap
When out in the driveway arose such a racket
I grabbed me my shotgun and my DEI jacket
I ran out in the yard and spied a right skinny Goober
Who looked for all the world like Dale Earnhardt JR.

“Hey Junior†I says, “What you doin’ round here?
You want to come in for some pizza and beer?â€
“No thanksâ€, said Junior, “I’m busy and stuff
And that pit-bull over yonder looks a little too tough.
I just stopped by with some things for your kids
On my way to a date with Esposito twins.â€

He reached in his backpack and pulled out the loot
Die casts and tee-shirts, an autographed fire suit
Fanny cushion, can cozies, a helmet and more
It looked like the super store

He piled it all up and then got back in his truck
And I knew at that moment that I was in luck
He burned him some rubber off into the night
And I heard him exclaim as he roared out of sight
“Merry Christmas y'all, ain’t got no time to talk.
Gotta go leave some coal in Chad Knauss’s mailbox.â€

As heard on Sirius Speedway 128


2000 Man
Oct 23, 2008
Thanks for posting. Sometimes I miss the words because of the laugh track or talking over the bit.