Divorce, anger, and forgiveness

[blyons200]

Ok, my wife filed for divorce over a year and a half ago. She wasn't willing to try counseling or anything to try to work it out, I begged to try something, begged. The divorce was final in March of last year.

Problem is, I still can't let it go. I'm still pissed, very pissed. Pissed to the point it effects my mood almost every day. I think about it all the time, and the more I think about it, the more angry I get. Sometimes I snap at people and act like a jerk because I'm so angry about it. Sometimes I can't eat or sleep because of it. We both did things wrong, but I think it was pretty even, though I blame myself a lot.

Any advice on how to let this go? I can't seem to. Then I get upset with myself for not letting this go

 

[IronJabroni]

Sorry man, that sucks...hope you didn't get cleaned out.
Some new poontang maybe? Liquid Metal at extreme decibel levels? Hitting the heavy bag til your knuckles bleed? Hang in there, I'm sure things will get better.

 

[JoeTan]

That's why I'm just happy to live indoors. What'd ya do?

 

[memebag]

I've been divorced for about 8 years now. It's OK to be pissed off about it. It's also OK to be sad about it. Sometimes anger hangs around if you avoid the sadness and grief.

I think about it all the time, and the more I think about it, the more angry I get.

I think that's the key. Why are you thinking about it all the time? Is there something you need that you aren't getting, something that leads your brain to thinking about it? There might be a way to divert your thoughts to something you have some power over.

 

[MAJ Badmotherfarker]

I broke up with the girl I was engaged to a few years back. I found mexican midgets really helped me move on.

 

[Calypso]

Sorry you are going through all of this. It has to be a hard thing to go through, probably one of the hardest things to go through..

I think talking about it the way you are in this post can help alot, sometimes getting everything out is what is needed. And feel free to come on here and vent it out, yell it out as much as you need to if it does help you out..

Maybe going for counseling could help as well, there is nothing wrong with trying it...

 

[HecticArt]

Is there something you need to do for closure? Something still hanging out there, (besides your feelings for her?)

You were going to try couple counseling to save it, have you tried solo counseling to figure out what's keeping you from letting go?

Just be sure not to take it out on new girls that you meet (meat?).

If none of that works, try the mexican midget, it can't hurt.

 

[mrpacs]

Hang in there bro. Have you tried dating at all? How old are you if I may ask? Do you have children with your Ex?

 

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

You could just pretend she is dead. Hold a mock funeral and everything. Deal with your grief then move on.

 

[MAJ Badmotherfarker]

You could just pretend she is dead. Hold a mock funeral and everything. Deal with your grief then move on.

Oh, I can do waaay better than that (NSFW language):


[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApG7CYuq8Pc[/ame]

 

[Vargas]

Sorry about the divorce.

I don't think it is wrong for you to be angry about it. People seem to think that anger is wrong and needs to go away.

It would be worse if you felt NOTHING at all. You deserve to be angry.

If you want to let it go either:

1. Frind something else to hate.
2. Change something in your life--find a hobby or something new to do.

 

[semipenguin]

Anyone that make you that angry your better off without.

Think of all the better your life will be without her. In that past 10 years I've been divorced, met a woman. Four years later broke up with that woman. Met another woman. Broke up with that woman :right:

I'm done. I don't want to be with anyone else. I'm better off alone. I love having friends and I'll be happy with that

 

[kingchuck69]

When I was 12, my parents divorced. For years, my father would bitch at me about how much of a bitch my mother was. Sadly, that's how he handled the divorce.

He also went through many, many dates and six years before he ended up marrying his current wife. They've been happily married for 10 years now.

I guess the best way to get through a nasty divorce is to find another mate and move on. There's a lot of fish in the sea, my friend. Don't give up. :bigthumbup:

 

[blyons200]

Hang in there bro. Have you tried dating at all? How old are you if I may ask? Do you have children with your Ex?

35, no kids thank God. She did somewhat clean me out. The worst part is the house. It's not even really the money, it's all the work I put into it. Especially the long term projects like the landscaping. I was in that house 10 years. My apple trees started bearing fruit the summer I moved out! I waited years for that.

Oh, I can do waaay better than that (NSFW language):


YouTube - Home Base

Classic. Don't know if I could go throug with that, but the thought of what that would do to her is awesome!

Thanks for all the kind thoughts and ideas guys. Venting about it does make me feel much better. If I could find a girlfriend it would definitely help. Though it's tough because I travel so much. I have been on dates, but the one I went on Saturday turned out to be a total psycho. I took a girl to Ozzfest last summer, she ended up getting arrested for possesion of methamphetmines that night. Seemed totally normal. Guess I should keep trying though. Surely I can find a decent, normal girl one of these days.

Thanks:bigthumbup:

 

[memebag]

Just remember: life can get better. I'm proof of that. I'm much happier now than when I was married to my first wife.

 

[HecticArt]

Hang in there bro.
If breaking up wasn't such a big thing, they wouldn't write all of those songs about it.

 

[antsie]

Blyons.......sorry about the divorce.

For me, in time, the anger went away and forgiveness some how sets in. You'll find someone else when the time is right, but you might have to weed through the crazy ones first

Hang in there and good luck!

 

[Chrissyb]

When my marriage ended it took 3 years of court for my ex and I settle..I'm remarried and I still hate him..always will..

You need to starting dealing with your anger issues..you need an outlet to release your aggression..I ride a stationary bike..maybe if you went jogging or tried some other type of activity that you enjoy might help.

I also think you need to meet someone..I know its difficult but if you were to meet someone else it might help transitioning your anger into something else and get your mind off of what is making you so angry..

good luck..

 

[Sirius Rich]

...

Any advice on how to let this go? I can't seem to. Then I get upset with myself for not letting this go

This works for me:


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

 

[xan_user]

Bummer blyons,
been 5 years now since my divorce was final. I was not ready to start dating until ~3yrs afterwords, even tho i tried way before that.
many people told me it would take around three years to get over it, but it seemed likely it would never get better. sure enough, after enough time i did get over it.

Hang in there guy!