Channel 9: Show 6

[Ifandorbut]

The show opened with a guy in a barber shop saying that he both hates and loves Howard Stern. As the man spun around in his chair away from the camera, the back of the man's head showed off that his head had been shaved to spell out Howard's name. (Sorry, the screen capture was absolute shit, real bad quality).

After the opening to the show played out, Howard and Robin were seen in bed talking about the recent troubles that Connie Chung and Maury Povich were having in trying to conceive a child. Howard said that they couldn't do a show tonight because both he and Robin are aggressively pursuing having a baby.

Howard had the recent issue of People magazine that featured Connie's confession of their unsuccessful attempts at the "aggressive pursuit of having a baby".

Howard then played a filmed bit of Fred as Maury Povich on the set of "An Internal Affair". Maury's show was about "Older Women, Younger Men". Billy did the voice of Connie Chung. You never see Connie, she's under the desk trying to get Maury to stop his show and give her his seed.

Connie's voice was sped up and there was a liberal sprinkling of Asian cliches thrown into the mix as well. From the Asian gong that ended the segment to the "mee sooo horny, mee love you loooong time" phrase, the bit was filled with cheap joke after cheap joke. Howard commented after the bit that the bit was good, but it wasn't the way they wrote it.

After the bit, Howard's attention turned towards Gary. Howard mentioned that people were writing into the show to inform Howard that they were disturbed by Gary's teeth.

Howard had a solution, a solution that continues on today.

Howard brought on Lisa Sliwa and tried most of the time to get Lisa to take off her Guardian Angels beret.

No stranger to the microphone, Lisa went head to head with Howard as Howard and Lisa talked over one another. Howard not only wanted to take off Lisa's beret, Howard also wanted to see Lisa act with Elliott Gould later in the program.

Howard then asked about Lisa's take on people in the media. Howard had pictures of Mayor Koch, Bobcat Goldthwait, Andrew Dice Clay(she ripped up his picture) and lastly, Howard Stern. Lisa said, "That's not Howard Stern!!! The nose needs to come out about six more inches".

Howard called Lisa a loud mouth and ended up shushing her to be quiet.

 

[Ifandorbut]

Howard then brought out Elliott Gould. This interview was very strange. Elliott was very reserved and didn't speak out too much. Howard asked him if he was trouble on the set. Elliott said he wasn't any trouble on the set, just at home. Howard didn't understand why someone that was great at his craft and a number one box office draw would throw it all away by being difficult. Howard asked again, "You weren't being difficult, were you?"

Elliott answered, "Well....reality is difficult for me".

Howard said the clip that the movie studio gave him of "The Lemon Sisters" was a clip that didn't feature Elliott speaking one word of dialog. Elliott claimed, "It was the only clip they had". Howard made the best of the interview by joking around that "this show should be taken off the air".

After playing the clip Howard said he had a surprise for Elliott. Howard brought out a female impersonator dressed up as Barbara Streisand. Elliott remarked that "she hasn't changed".

The impersonator said that she and Elliott had a child together. Howard said it would be more believable if Elliott had the child.

After the break Howard got his wish to see Lisa act with Elliott. Howard, Robin, Elliott and Lisa got into bed to do a reading from Elliott's breakthrough movie, "Bob, Carol, Ted & Alice".

Lisa had trouble with the cue cards and said that if the cue card guy didn't get up to speed she would start ad-libbing.

Howard claimed that Lisa spit on him during one of her line reads.

The end result was a disaster and Howard aborted the scene by talking to the camera about how horrible Lisa is as an actress. Lisa got out of the bed and threw a boot at Howard's stomach.

 

[Ifandorbut]

Howard came back from break and announced that Elliott was still hanging out. Elliott chewed on Nutrisystem treats and kept his vocal output to a minimum. Howard ran a video bit on John Kennedy, Jr. called "Books and Babes". The bit painted John-John as a spoiled and dumb rich kid that spends the better part of the day coasting through life. Fred played John-John.

The bit was filled with a heaping handful of "Er-ah's" throughout. Fred said that he can't call you, you have to call him.

"Er-ah...as daddy used to say, 'It's as easy as, er-ah, Marilyn Monroe".

Elliott sat silently bemused while Howard and Robin talked about items in the news. Robin touched briefly on the imminent war in Iraq. She continued with video of people arguing about the strained race relations while outside the "Jogger Trial" on the streets of New York. Elliott thought the reason why people had so much free time to be acting out this way was due to the price of gas. Howard told Elliott to behave or he would bring back the Barbara Streisand impersonator.

Robin brought out a new product that can determine if marijuana has been used. It was a spray that when applied to a surface, brown spots would appear if any marijuana residue existed. They tested the product out on Jackie's compact discs. Some small brown specs showed up(not on the screen capture, sorry)on Jackie's stuff. They also checked Elliott's glasses, but nothing showed up. Howard thought something would show up due to Elliott's appearance on the show.

Robin ended the news by talking about Curtis Mayfield being struck by a light tower while on stage in Brooklyn. Howard surprised Robin by dropping Styrofoam from the ceiling during the story.

Howard asked Elliott, "How's that for acting?"

Howard came back from break to do the Stuttering John segment. This week John went to a baseball card convention and interviewed Ted Williams. The interview started with a handshake and a softball question about George Streinbrenner.

It progressed to a question about whether Ted knew all the words to the 'Star Spangled Banner'?

Then John asked Ted if he ever farted into the Catcher's face.

The interview that started with a friendly handshake ended with Ted thumbing John out of the convention.

 

[Ifandorbut]

Howard said John was lucky that Ted didn't take a bat to John's head. Howard kept making fun of John's stutter. Howard eventually got around to the next clip, a clip of Margot Kidder at a charity softball game.

Margot seemed bored with the questions being asked of her, but John seemingly stepped over the line with his next question.

John: "Did you know that Tyne Daly's married to a black guy?"

Margot: "Yeah"

John: "Does it bother you in any way?"

Margot: "No...what kind of questio...whahmmeaheoah...who are you guys?"

Margot headed for zeee hills while a publicist cornered John to find out who he was.

John's next encounter was with Phil Donohue. Phil was a great sport during the interview and answered a lot of lame questions. John asked questions like, "Do you ever use your glasses for evil purposes?" and "Do you and Marlo practice safe sex?" and "why are you so nice to Morton Downey, does he have pictures of you?".

But when John asked Phil, "Are you afraid that Oprah will eat until she explodes?", Phil said, "That's not funny" as he walked away from John and his interview.

Howard came back from commercial and brought out Ronnie Spector to sing a parody of 'Be My Baby' called "She Can't Have A Baby". The song was in reference to Connie Chung and Maury Povich's unsuccessful bid to become parents.

Ronnie brought two young female back up singers to help out.

After the song he told Ronnie to sing "Be My Baby" to close out the show. Here you can see Howard doing his best attempt at dancing/flirting.