Channel 9: Show 13

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Show #13 started off with Dan Foreman(the producer) giving a description of what was to follow on tonights show. He read off a list of guests and taped segments while partially hiding behind an 8x10 black and white head shot of himself. The only part of Dan that wasn't hidden was his lips, as you can see here.

After Dan rattled off the last of the guests he took his picture quickly away and asked everyone in the studio, "What's so funny about that?"

Howard came back from the opening montage stating that Dan was the "Alfred E. Neuman" of the show. Howard told Robin that he was tired of being #2 in the ratings and that he was going to add more sex into the show. Howard brought out Amy Lynn, Sandy Corn(Sandy Taylor) and Kimberly Taylor to jump up and down on little trampolines. The segment turned out to be a bit of a bust(sorry)because one of the girls didn't know how to use a pogo stick.

Howard said that they had "retarded aerobic girls".

None of the screen captures of the girls were very good, just way too blurry to include here.

Howard switched gears and asked Gary to put on his new mask. Gary obliged with only a little bit of questioning. Gary didn't know what the strap in front of the mask was used for, Howard said it was there in case Fred wanted to hit him.

Before going to commercial, Howard became more involved with the girls on the trampolines.

 

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Coming back from the break there was much jocularity in the studio. Howard asked Jackie to show off his belly button in order to get ratings. Jackie lifted up his shirt to show the camera his protruding belly button.

Howard said Jackie's bump looked like a cats ass. Robin and Howard floated theories as to what the protruding bump is, but the most entertaining theory was provided by Stuttering John that said, "I hear that it's ah...ah...ah...ah...umbilical cancer".

Fred slapped John's back to stop John from stuttering. John tried to relay more information about Jackie's situation, but he again became a little tongue tied when Fred honed in on the kill.

Jackie said, "I'd still rather have this than a stutter".

Howard went back to his seat and talked about what was coming up on the show. Howard said that if public access stations can give breast exams in the name of medical science, then he could do it, too.

 

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The next segment was a loose segment featuring girls that had written letters to the show professing their love for Stuttering John. Howard brought in four young ladies so that they could meet their love face to face.

The first girl wanted to know how old John is. Howard wondered why all of the girls had nothing to say to John now that they're in the studio.

The second girl was all over the place with her explanations. Howard quickly moved on to the third girl.

The third girl loved John's interviews and that she thinks he's sweet. At this point Howard had had enough. He told the girls that John isn't sweet and that the only reason any of these girls likes John is because he's on television. Robin added that John is the dummy and Howard is the ventriloquist and that they should be in love with Howard. Howard said that John has bigger crabs than their parents.

The fourth girl loved John's interviews and the questions he asked.

The segment was a huge bust and was cut short by the producer. Howard told John that "these are the women you're attracting" on the show. Howard went to break rather quickly after the segment.

 

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Coming back from the break Howard had Robin get into her news. Robin talked about the sex channel on New York Public Access Channel J. Robin showed short clips of the programming on Channel J; Al Goldstein and Robin Byrd's show in particular.

Robin also talked about the Harlem Walk of Fame and its first inductee; Freddie Jackson. Howard had no idea who Freddie Jackson was, he thought it was Roy Campanella with new legs. Gary was the only person to know who the person was by the video.

Robin talked about how vegetarians are becoming activists. Robin showed a clip of people protesting in front of a McDonalds. Howard wondered if the protesters just stand around shouting, "Brussel Sprouts...Brusel Sprouts!!!". Howard also called them "McJerks".

Howard also said, "A cow doesn't have any brains, believe me, you can eat them all you want".

Howard went to break after the news.

Coming back from break Howard brought out Grandpa Al Lewis.

Grandpa said that Orion Pictures is making a "Car 54 Where Are You?" movie, but Fred Gwynn would not be participating in the making of the movie.

 

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Howard asked Grandpa a few questions about Fred Gwynn and Grandpa ad-libbed a couple of jokes about Robin's breasts, but Howard changed topics to the time when Grandpa swore at an Anti FCC rally. Grandpa became animated during Howard's set up of the video. Grandpa said Howard got notoriety from coast to coast because of what he said.

Here he shows Grandpa video of the rally when Grandpa yelled "Fuck the FCC".

Grandpa was excited after watching the clip and went into a mini-rant. "I got the biggest hand at the rally. I was totally under control. I preplanned it in the studio; the inventiveness, the creativeness. I don't care if I'm not related to Michaelangelo, I've been on the scaffold just like he had and there's the product of it....FCC....FU!!!!"

Howard replayed his own reaction to Grandpa's profanity from the rally in slow motion.

Howard went to break after that.

 

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Coming back from the break Howard played a sketch called "Out of the Closet Munsters".

The sketch opened up with Sperman(Howard) and Lily(Fred) sitting around the dinner table in the middle of a lovers spat. Here Fred paints her toenails and does her best to ignore Sperman talking to her.

Sperman tried to get Lily's attention by asking her to play, "Ding-Ding Butts".

Sperman said that he didn't want to be called Sperman anymore, he wanted to be called "Countess Addie".

 

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Grandpa Al came into the scene with a lot of energy, but he would venture off script at times. The set was filled with rubber bats hanging from the rafters on string and talcum powder floating around the table every time Sperman hit the table.

Sperman asked Edgy(Gary) and Marilyn(Jackie) to come in to the scene so that he could clear the air of their marital woes in front of the family.

Grandpa broke down the fourth wall by calling out Sperman on his acting abilities.

GRANDPA:

"Sperman, you are a bad actor".

SPERMAN:

"Like you've done more than one character your entire life".

LILY:

"Yeah, where did you learn to act...Strasberg...Pennsylvania?"

GRANDPA:

"You're both still bad actors".

SPERMAN:

"And if you keep squinting at those cue cards you old man, they'll think we're broadcasting from Japan".
​

 

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Grandpa asked "When did Marilyn get so ample?" Grandpa insisted that this ample belly must be the work of a hemorrhoid.

After getting a big laugh with his hemorrhoid joke Grandpa Al lost his place in the cue cards. Immediately following Grandpa's mess up, Gary followed with one of his own. Gary's fake teeth, yes they actually put on bigger teeth for Gary's character to wear. Gary's fake teeth fell out of his mouth at the moment of his only line of dialog.

Howard(Sperman) took a rolled up magazine and started to hit Gary on the head. Howard said, "I really wanted this sketch to turn out good".

Although he didn't have a speaking part, Jackie held out for as long as he could, but he couldn't suppress himself any longer and he let out a high pitched "Jackie laugh" like a boiling tea kettle.

 

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Here's Gary without the fake teeth.

 

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Grandpa gave Sperman a special potion to help Sperman and Lily with their sex life as this potion would make Sperman become attractive.

And like many jokes to follow, after Sperman drinks the potion, the punch line to the joke is none other than.....

....that's right, Dan Foreman; Producer of the Howard Stern Show. And as the sketch was ending, Granda muffed up the kicker tag line, "Gee, Whillakens, he must of drank it backwards".

 

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Coming back from the break Howard brought out Stuttering John to talk about his latest interviews. Howard told Fred to sit next to John while John explained where he went to get the interviews. Fred mimicked John and made John nervous.

John interviewed Anthony Quinn. He asked Anthony if he gets bothered when people speak to him while he's on the bowl?

Howard said he was "Zorba the Grunt".

Anthony took all of the questions in good humor, but he did eventually grow bored with John's questions and before he left John he gave John a slight slap of the face. John wanted to make sure he wasn't totally manhandled by Anthony so he asked Anthony if he could shake his hand.

 

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Howard went to break but when he came back he continued with John interviewing Cindy and Joey Adams. Apparently Joey was not in the best of health at the time John was interviewing him.

John asked Cindy why she bad mouths Howard Stern? Cindy deflected John's questions by asking her husband to say something funny about Howard. Joey said, "I like Howard Stern, I have no taste, but I like him."

John then asked Cindy, "When was the last time that Joey had a solid bowel movement?". As Cindy took Joey to a waiting taxi, John asked Joey, "How many times have you seen Haley's Comet?"

 

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Howard concluded John's segment and quickly went into the breast examination. Howard was amazed that women could be naked on television as long as the people involved were getting breast examinations. Howard got Robin to examine Jackie's breasts in the same manner that Robin saw on another medical television show. After taking off his shirt for the examination, Jackie couldn't resist planting his head into Robin's chocolaty mounds.

Howard said that they found a lump, but it wasn't on Jackie's breast...

Howard ended the show by bringing out the girls to jump on the little trampolines. Here's a shot of Sandy Taylor.

All in all a pretty decent show. The Munsters sketch was an improvement over the Casey Kasem sketch because Howard now had a little bit of a set to work with. It wasn't much of a set, but it was more than they had used up until this point.

 

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Here's a Youtube link to the "Out of the Closet Munsters" sketch.

I forgot to provide one before...

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v90exW-6yEo]YouTube - Howard Stern Out of the Closet Munsters[/ame]