Channel 9: Show 11

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The eleventh episode started off with Howard dressed up as Casey Kasem. Casey had an important message to tell, he wanted everyone to know that he is an Arab. Although not known for his ability to imitate others, Howard was very capable at imitating Casey Kasem.

"Hi, I'm Casey Kasem. Keep your feet in your shoes and keep reaching in your panties".

Howard also had Fred dressed up as Casey's wife.
Fred played Jean Kasem as a high pitched dim wit. Fred did an excellent job, he kept Jackie and Gary in stitches.

"Jean has just given birth to our first child after eight miscarriages...up from three miscarriages a short year ago."

After some funny back and forth patter between Howard and Fred teasing Connie Chung for not being able to conceive a child, Howard decided to get back to his original message of wanting to tell people he was an Arab.

Howard: "The reason I'm here tonight is to defend Arabs...Arabs, Arabs, Arabs."

Fred: "I don't know what that means."

Howard: "You don't know what mayonaise is."

Howard then tossed out one more 'Caseyism'..."Keep your foot on the gas and your wife in front of the car."

Before ending the Casey segment, Howard did a Top 10 list countdown of the most famous Arabs. The list consisted largely of celebrities that were not Arabic. When a picture of Bob Denver from Gilligan's Island filled the screen Robin asked, "Bob Denver is an Arab?"

Howard remarked back, "I think so."

Other notables included Jamie Farr, Princess Diana and Mary Hart from Entertainment Tonight. Coming in at #2 on the list was this young producer.

Which of course received a big laugh from the writing table.

After a commercial break Howard introduced Fred who was halfway though taking off the Jean Casem disguise he was wearing.

Howard then switched gears from Fred to Gary. It was the start of the show and a mention of Gary's teeth was long overdue.

Here you can see Gary looking sheepish as he waits for an all too familiar ball busting to take place.

Howard said that he was talking with his dentist and that his dentist told Howard that Gary's caps don't look right and that whomever performed this job didn't know what they were doing. Howard said that his dentist was willing to take a closer look at Gary's teeth to see if he could fix them. Howard said, "Imagine that, Gary could end up looking like a REAL PERSON."

But until that time Howard made Gary put on his latest disguise.

 

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After the Gary ball busting, Howard talked about his guests for tonight. He said that Joe Piscopo and his girlfriend Kimberly Driscol would be coming onto the show. Howard marveled at Joe's ability to judge young girls for their future beauty. He thought Joe was remarkable because Howard was never able to fully achieve the same kind of success in judging young girls. For instance, Howard thought that the girl that played Cindy Brady was going to grow up to be a knock out. How did Joe know that Kimberly was going to grow up into the beautiful woman she became?

Howard got Robin to start the news. Robin opened up with a story about Saddam Hussein putting a bounty out on the head of George Bush.

Howard wanted to know how Channel 9 came up with the budget to afford such cool looking graphics.

Robin then did a story about Mohawk Indians fighting with the Canadian Guard. Howard's response to that story was to shoot an arrow from his bow at the cue card man.

Because Howard's attempt at shooting an arrow were incredibly awful and because they were running short on time, Howard was told by the show producer(over the loudspeaker) that they had to do a commercial.

Howard started doing a Brother P Touch Fax commercial while a man playing the saw could be heard in the background.

Howard had a difficult time concentrating on the commercial, so he started talking with the man playing the saw. Howard asked him if he could play something recognizable. The man sort of complied by playing "Over the Rainbow."

After coming back from a commercial break Robin got back into the news. Robin played a video of Leona Helmsley talking about her open letter to Saddam Hussein. Robin then talked about the government taking over the operations of the Mustang Ranch in Nevada. Robin figured since both she and Howard are taxpayers, that made them "de facto" pimps somehow.

Howard figured if that were the case then Robin should take off her shirt. Robin sort of complied.

 

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Howard had to do another studio read for a product, this time the product was Snapple. Again, the man with the saw came out and again he was made fun of by Howard. Howard told the man that the saw wasn't meant to be played as a musical instrument, it was supposed to be used to saw wood. That said, Howard tried singing the virtues of Snapple to the eerie sounds of the saw.

Not content to let the saw player take all of the musical abuse, Howard asked Monty the camera guy to get closer to him so that he could play bongos on his head.

After a commercial break Howard brought out Joe Piscopo.
When Joe came out both he and Howard gave each other a friendly hug. Howard said that he could smell the steroids inside of Joe.

Howard went over the "Lolita" inspired story of how Joe and Kimberly met. Joe mentioned to Howard that he met Kimberly when she was eleven years old. Howard said, "Yeah, you met her at eleven, but you didn't tongue kiss until she was thirteen."

After a few minutes of "douche chilling" interview, Howard had to do another in studio read. This time the ad was for Nutrisystem. Howard had Joe hold a sign and he brought out the guy with the saw again. Howard made fun of the guy with the saw and whatever song he was playing.

Joe said that he couldn't believe that Howard's show was beating Saturday Night Live in the ratings.

 

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After a commercial break Howard said that Joe brought a film with him of a young Eddie Murphy. Joe played along with the bit by saying, "Eddie is going to kill me, but I had to bring it in." The video was of a young boy that was able to protrude his eyeballs. The film looked as if it were shot in the 1930's.

And at long last Howard had Joe bring Kimberly out into the studio. Kimberly stood on a chair(pedestal) and came out with a spotlight shining on her.

As Kimberly made her way off of her pedestal and into her chair in the studio Howard commented, "Oh man, I gotta get me a babysitter."

Kimberly told her side of their romance. She admitted to having a crush on Joe since she was 14. The camera man did not focus entirely on Kimberly's cleavage, but it wasn't that hard to miss. Howard wanted Joe and Kimberly to kiss, but Joe nervously brushed off that request. However when Howard stood up to give Kimberly's chest a standing ovation, Joe diffused the moment by quickly giving Kimberly a couple of love pecks.

Here's one of the kisses that set off my douche chill siren.

 

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As Howard angled closer to Kimberly to get a better look at her tits, Howard commented that it would be cool if Joe proposed marriage to Kimberly on his show. Howard also wondered where the microphone was located on Kimberly.

Joe looked a little uncomfortable after Howard's question to Kimberly about marrying Joe.

Here you can see Joe looking for any sign of acceptance from Kimberly.

Kimberly gave a satisfactory response to Joe's ego and all was good in Piscopo's world once more.

After a commercial break Howard played a video clip of Joe's HBO special. After the clip and promotion for the special were out of the way, Howard asked Kimberly if "she ever wondered what it's like to have sex with other men." Kimberly answered back that she doesn't think about that at all because, "all men are pigs."

Howard stood up and pretended to be Joe hypnotizing Kimberly by saying, "All men are pigs, all men are pigs."

After the Piscopo interview Howard went to a commercial break. After the break Howard brought out Larry Holmes. Howard asked Larry about how he dealt with not getting the proper respect from the boxing world. Larry came on the show to promote his new career as a rapper. Howard wasn't that interested in Larry's rap career so he kept asking Larry questions about "how the white man stole his money" and "his dealings with Muhammed Ali" and of course, "banging white women."

Larry was a good sport about answering all of Howard's questions and Howard in turn was very playful with Larry. At one point Howard even put up his dukes and pretended to play box with Larry. Larry told Howard that he has three children out of wedlock and two from inside his current marriage. All of this talk made it near impossible for Larry to rap on the show. Larry did manage to squeeze off a few verses while the show credits ran.

All in all, a very decent showing. No Stuttering John this week, no Billy West, but there were moments of good comedy and a heavy helping of douche chills.