"A Promise to Love, Honor and Bear No Children"
By Jill Brooke
More than a decade ago, Fortune magazine coined the term ''trophy wife'' in a cover article to describe the lovely younger spouse, often with an impressive career,
who is matched up with a titan of business on his second or third (or fourth) marriage. In this age-old but newly explored frontier in relations between the sexes, both parties were seen to benefit: the man gets a beautiful younger woman who provides affirmation of his status and sexual prowess;
the woman gets a life of ease and social access that would otherwise be out of reach.
One part of the bargain, however, is almost never mentioned: successful men who have raised children with Wife No. 1 often insist that their subsequent, younger spouses must forgo having children. Matrimonial lawyers say the arrangement, though legally dubious, is increasingly being written into prenuptial agreements.
Last year, Somers White,
a mainstay of the black-tie benefit circuit, became the third wife of Jonathan Farkas, an heir to the Alexander's department store fortune. He was about 15 years her senior and made it a condition of marriage that they have no children, Mrs. Farkas said. She reports no regrets. ''I get two wonderful stepchildren, and I have more time to spend on Jonathan,'' she said. ''This way, we get to be kids together.''
Mrs. Farkas also has more time to devote to charitable causes, particularly the Audubon Society, than if she were raising a family, she added.
Lori Glicksman, who signed a prenuptial agreement in 1998 not to have children, has come to regret it. Her husband, who had a child from a previous marriage, insisted on the arrangement, she said. Ms. Glicksman said she agreed because she loved him, and also because life with a high-powered husband, whose name she asked not be published, was seductive.''He's an Ivy League-educated, handsome, powerful man, and that was a great aphrodisiac,'' she said.
''You have this great lifestyle, and he treated me very well and loved me.''
But gradually the situation became painful, Ms. Glicksman said. ''Suddenly I would see all these strollers on Madison Avenue and be pulled towards every baby,'' she said.
''For two years this went on, and I couldn't let it go. I thought that if he loved me, he wouldn't take away my opportunity for motherhood, especially since he was already a parent. I thought I'd change his mind,'' she said with a sigh.
''I didn't.'' Ms. Glicksman and her husband are now separated.
Joan DeMarco is also divorcing her husband, whom she declined to identify, over his refusal to have a child with her. Ms. DeMarco, who described her husband as 14 years her senior and twice divorced, said that she, too, agreed not to have children. ''We've been together for 10 years, but now, at 41, I want a baby,'' she said. Why did she accept the no-child prenuptial provision in the first place?
''I had gone out with so many jerks,
and here was this man who was loyal and wonderful, trustworthy and good to his word."
''He was originally hesitant to get married. I wanted to get married. People told me to be happy with what I have. We then got a standard poodle. But after I got the dog, it brought out more maternal feelings.''
David Patrick Columbia, who chronicles the bon ton on a Web site, NewYorkSocialDiary.com, said wealthy older men expect to be adored by their second spouses and don't like to share the attention with a baby. At the same time, he said, ''the younger woman wants a baby, because in case of a divorce, she has more of a legal claim on his assets.''
Jeannette Lofas, president of the Stepfamily Foundation in New York, who counsels members of stepfamilies, said the expectations of men and women who remarry can be strikingly different. ''You have to convince the man to recognize that this relationship is different from his previous experience, and that children will add to their marriage,'' she said. ''I'll often tell men that the woman will end up hating them if she's denied the child. And it will ruin the marriage. Most give in, but not all.'' Ms. Lofas said she has known women who told their husbands, ''Oops, I'm pregnant.''
''In most cases,'' she said, ''the man is happy and becomes a doting dad.''
But for the exceptions, the pregnancy can lead to divorce.
All credit to original photoshoppers
Full text http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpag...pagewanted=all
By Jill Brooke
More than a decade ago, Fortune magazine coined the term ''trophy wife'' in a cover article to describe the lovely younger spouse, often with an impressive career,
who is matched up with a titan of business on his second or third (or fourth) marriage. In this age-old but newly explored frontier in relations between the sexes, both parties were seen to benefit: the man gets a beautiful younger woman who provides affirmation of his status and sexual prowess;
the woman gets a life of ease and social access that would otherwise be out of reach.
One part of the bargain, however, is almost never mentioned: successful men who have raised children with Wife No. 1 often insist that their subsequent, younger spouses must forgo having children. Matrimonial lawyers say the arrangement, though legally dubious, is increasingly being written into prenuptial agreements.
Last year, Somers White,
a mainstay of the black-tie benefit circuit, became the third wife of Jonathan Farkas, an heir to the Alexander's department store fortune. He was about 15 years her senior and made it a condition of marriage that they have no children, Mrs. Farkas said. She reports no regrets. ''I get two wonderful stepchildren, and I have more time to spend on Jonathan,'' she said. ''This way, we get to be kids together.''
Mrs. Farkas also has more time to devote to charitable causes, particularly the Audubon Society, than if she were raising a family, she added.
Lori Glicksman, who signed a prenuptial agreement in 1998 not to have children, has come to regret it. Her husband, who had a child from a previous marriage, insisted on the arrangement, she said. Ms. Glicksman said she agreed because she loved him, and also because life with a high-powered husband, whose name she asked not be published, was seductive.''He's an Ivy League-educated, handsome, powerful man, and that was a great aphrodisiac,'' she said.
''You have this great lifestyle, and he treated me very well and loved me.''
But gradually the situation became painful, Ms. Glicksman said. ''Suddenly I would see all these strollers on Madison Avenue and be pulled towards every baby,'' she said.
''For two years this went on, and I couldn't let it go. I thought that if he loved me, he wouldn't take away my opportunity for motherhood, especially since he was already a parent. I thought I'd change his mind,'' she said with a sigh.
''I didn't.'' Ms. Glicksman and her husband are now separated.
Joan DeMarco is also divorcing her husband, whom she declined to identify, over his refusal to have a child with her. Ms. DeMarco, who described her husband as 14 years her senior and twice divorced, said that she, too, agreed not to have children. ''We've been together for 10 years, but now, at 41, I want a baby,'' she said. Why did she accept the no-child prenuptial provision in the first place?
''I had gone out with so many jerks,
and here was this man who was loyal and wonderful, trustworthy and good to his word."
''He was originally hesitant to get married. I wanted to get married. People told me to be happy with what I have. We then got a standard poodle. But after I got the dog, it brought out more maternal feelings.''
David Patrick Columbia, who chronicles the bon ton on a Web site, NewYorkSocialDiary.com, said wealthy older men expect to be adored by their second spouses and don't like to share the attention with a baby. At the same time, he said, ''the younger woman wants a baby, because in case of a divorce, she has more of a legal claim on his assets.''
Jeannette Lofas, president of the Stepfamily Foundation in New York, who counsels members of stepfamilies, said the expectations of men and women who remarry can be strikingly different. ''You have to convince the man to recognize that this relationship is different from his previous experience, and that children will add to their marriage,'' she said. ''I'll often tell men that the woman will end up hating them if she's denied the child. And it will ruin the marriage. Most give in, but not all.'' Ms. Lofas said she has known women who told their husbands, ''Oops, I'm pregnant.''
''In most cases,'' she said, ''the man is happy and becomes a doting dad.''
But for the exceptions, the pregnancy can lead to divorce.
All credit to original photoshoppers
Full text http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpag...pagewanted=all
okey: And so it begins....... 
