Things that differentiate Howard from Us

Neigh

Well-Known Member
Oct 16, 2008
2,794
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63
New Jersey
1. He is a brilliant, addictive radio personality.
2. He will not open mail because of his germ phobia.
3. No one can look at him or talk to him when he leaves the studio and walks down the hall to his office.
4. He can afford years and years of therapy, three times a week.
5. He leaves dinner parties, movies, concerts and any other events right in the middle if he feels like it.
6. He is afraid to change a light bulb and calls an electrician to do it.
7. He rescues injured sea gulls.
8. He is avoids shaking hands.
 

kryptonite

Well-Known Member
Oct 21, 2008
9,420
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If you have five dollars and Howard Stern has five dollars, Howard Stern has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Howard Stern's computer. Howard Stern is always in control.
Apple pays Howard Stern 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Howard Stern can sneeze with his eyes open.
Howard Stern can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Howard Stern is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Howard Stern destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Howard Stern's foreskin is used as a tarp at Giants Stadium. That small penis? If he REALLY told the size of his penis, he'd have a line of girls to make Tiger Woods jealous!
Howard Stern is the father of every kid in this town!
Howard Stern once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!
His shit is used as currency in Argentina
He sweats Gatorade.
He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
Howard Stern can kill two stones with one bird.
He sheds his skin once a year!
I once saw him eat a whole live chicken. That's why he no longer grills, he'd rather eat them live.
He did 3 tours in 'Nam... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight-foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Stern!
They call him a cheap Jew. What they didn't tell you was they once found $60 in change in his stomach.
The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
He jogs with a fridge on his back!
Howard was ranked 3rd in the BCS College Football Poll after his Orange Bowl victory.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
Howard? He goes about 8'-4" and about 25 stone these days.
They say he bleeds peppermint vodka.
 

Ehilbert1

Ooh-Rah!!!!
Oct 13, 2008
4,480
1,219
113
Columbus, OH
If you have five dollars and Howard Stern has five dollars, Howard Stern has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Howard Stern's computer. Howard Stern is always in control.
Apple pays Howard Stern 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Howard Stern can sneeze with his eyes open.
Howard Stern can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Howard Stern is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Howard Stern destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Howard Stern's foreskin is used as a tarp at Giants Stadium. That small penis? If he REALLY told the size of his penis, he'd have a line of girls to make Tiger Woods jealous!
Howard Stern is the father of every kid in this town!
Howard Stern once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!
His shit is used as currency in Argentina
He sweats Gatorade.
He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
Howard Stern can kill two stones with one bird.
He sheds his skin once a year!
I once saw him eat a whole live chicken. That's why he no longer grills, he'd rather eat them live.
He did 3 tours in 'Nam... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight-foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Stern!
They call him a cheap Jew. What they didn't tell you was they once found $60 in change in his stomach.
The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
He jogs with a fridge on his back!
Howard was ranked 3rd in the BCS College Football Poll after his Orange Bowl victory.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
Howard? He goes about 8'-4" and about 25 stone these days.
They say he bleeds peppermint vodka.

:bigclap: Good stuff man.
 

hyson

Forum Jerk
Oct 19, 2008
11,844
1,060
113
If you have five dollars and Howard Stern has five dollars, Howard Stern has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Howard Stern's computer. Howard Stern is always in control.
Apple pays Howard Stern 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Howard Stern can sneeze with his eyes open.
Howard Stern can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Howard Stern is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Howard Stern destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Howard Stern's foreskin is used as a tarp at Giants Stadium. That small penis? If he REALLY told the size of his penis, he'd have a line of girls to make Tiger Woods jealous!
Howard Stern is the father of every kid in this town!
Howard Stern once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!
His shit is used as currency in Argentina
He sweats Gatorade.
He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
Howard Stern can kill two stones with one bird.
He sheds his skin once a year!
I once saw him eat a whole live chicken. That's why he no longer grills, he'd rather eat them live.
He did 3 tours in 'Nam... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight-foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Stern!
They call him a cheap Jew. What they didn't tell you was they once found $60 in change in his stomach.
The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
He jogs with a fridge on his back!
Howard was ranked 3rd in the BCS College Football Poll after his Orange Bowl victory.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
Howard? He goes about 8'-4" and about 25 stone these days.
They say he bleeds peppermint vodka.

Funny, except weren't these all for Chuck Norris?

Oh, and Howard Stern once ordered a Big Mac from Wendy's.......and got one.
 

Spokker

Active Member
Jan 15, 2009
906
28
28
This thread was interesting when it was actual Stern stuff, but all the Chuck Norris shit is tired.
 

kryptonite

Well-Known Member
Oct 21, 2008
9,420
1,198
113
Eh, true. Back on track:


1. He is a brilliant, addictive radio personality.
2. He will not open mail because of his germ phobia.
3. No one can look at him or talk to him when he leaves the studio and walks down the hall to his office.
4. He can afford years and years of therapy, three times a week.
5. He leaves dinner parties, movies, concerts and any other events right in the middle if he feels like it.
6. He is afraid to change a light bulb and calls an electrician to do it.
7. He rescues injured sea gulls.
8. He is avoids shaking hands.

He finds queefing amusing.

How about a few hundred million dollars??

And actually, they haven't seem to have had a queefer on in a while.


My additions:

He has access to a helicopter.

He ran for Governor.
 

kryptonite

Well-Known Member
Oct 21, 2008
9,420
1,198
113
Why do I have the feeling that if Howard worked afternoons, he wouldn't complain as much?

Getting up at 4 AM is a beeyotch. If he went to bed at 9, things could be different, but between Beth and Dancing with the Stars, he doesn't really want to do that.
 

kryptonite

Well-Known Member
Oct 21, 2008
9,420
1,198
113
He works some Fridays. ;) He still has a year left. I HAVEN'T LOST HOPE! :D

Totally neutral standpoint here: Things really better change. I can't imagine what would happen if his last live day was a Thursday:

"Thank you all for over 30 years of radio! We'll miss you, some of us will see you around on various comedy tours. We love you all, have fun, be nice, peace out! Stay tuned for Best of the Week tomorrow.

A radio star...I hate my TV...

For Benji's naked lesbian bachelor party, call..."

Talk about a total buzzkill.