The Office Christmas Party...

Aaron

Moderator
Oct 10, 2008
12,876
7,637
168
South Louisiana
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols.... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!


Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty



________________________________


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.

We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?


Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty


________________________________

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name..

I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?


Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.


REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty


________________________________

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party


What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?


Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.


I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!


Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty


________________________________

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party


I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!


The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!



________________________________

Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party


I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.


Happy Whatever!
Joan
 

HecticArt

Administrator
Oct 19, 2008
40,248
11,801
168
Toledo, Ohio
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party



Happy Whatever!
Joan [/COLOR]

Classic!
I'm in charge of putting together our office "Holiday Party"(I'm still here on a Friday night, but at least I'm already into the beer.)

P.C. = Humbug!

Since I'm planning it, ef anybody that doesn't want alcohol.
I have a "Beers of The World" area set up. With a few cases of wine for good measure.
 

Casual Fan

Surprisingly nice
Oct 14, 2008
19,016
3,028
163
Roanoke, VA
I'm offended and have reported Aaron's post to a moderator, who told me to get a life. I think it may have been Aaron.

Love it! Sad but true.
 

xan_user

Banned
Dec 16, 2008
3,234
74
48
Nor-Cal
WFT?
Hectic, hex and me are stuck puffing in the freezing parking lot again this year? -while the, christains, jews, muslims, vegetarians, gays. lard butts and booze heads stay warm? Pft, better hope all you stiffs dont end up with keyed cars.:whistle:
 

Vargas

Molon Labe!
Oct 16, 2008
3,426
153
63
Western, PA
I'm so glad I work for a big company that has it's home office far away and I do not have a Company Holiday party to attend.

They are nothing but pains the ass and nobody ever wants to go because you just feel obligated and you can't get piss ass drunk.

I hated every company Christmas party I ever went to.
 

HecticArt

Administrator
Oct 19, 2008
40,248
11,801
168
Toledo, Ohio
Just got back from mine. I had to plan it.
It went well! Everyone looked like they had a good time.
I set up a beers of the world thing that went well.

Good times.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

memebag

Top Brass, ADVP
Oct 11, 2008
17,407
5,814
168
Lake Huntzing
My company used to do a Yankee Swap sort of deal, where everyone brings a wrapped present, folks pick them off a table, then get an option to swap with another present. After 3 swaps, the present can't be swapped again. The strategies and secret team stuff made that a lot of fun.

I'm going to my wife's x-mas party next week. It's usually fun because they provide lots of good wine. Lawyers dig wine.
 

HecticArt

Administrator
Oct 19, 2008
40,248
11,801
168
Toledo, Ohio
My company used to do a Yankee Swap sort of deal, where everyone brings a wrapped present, folks pick them off a table, then get an option to swap with another present. After 3 swaps, the present can't be swapped again. The strategies and secret team stuff made that a lot of fun.

I'm going to my wife's x-mas party next week. It's usually fun because they provide lots of good wine. Lawyers dig wine.

We did the Yankee Swap this year too. It was a good time. We hadn't done it in a few years. I like watching the wives fight over stuff. We brought a Snuggie that turned out to be a hot gift. I told the girl and her husband that ended up with it to check out the snuggie sutra.

We set up a Wii on a big back projection screen, had a poker room, and a chill lounge with some electro-lounge/trance tunes kickin complete with an animation of snow falling projected down the 2 story wall of our atrium. And thanks again to Calypso for hooking me up with the fireplace video. It was a hit on the flat screen in the main room.
 

v1ru5

Well-Known Member
Oct 24, 2008
1,690
67
48
Harrisburg PA.
Classic!
I'm in charge of putting together our office "Holiday Party"(I'm still here on a Friday night, but at least I'm already into the beer.)

P.C. = Humbug!

Since I'm planning it, ef anybody that doesn't want alcohol.
I have a "Beers of The World" area set up. With a few cases of wine for good measure.
This is why I celebrate FESTIVUS.:p
Festivus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia