Rule No. 1 Fair is where you go to get funnel cakes. Rule No. 2 History does not have reverse gear. Rule No. 3 A fanâ€™s expertise is not necessarily proportional to the length of time the fan claims to have been a fan. Rule No. 4 Heat races should never be held at a track with more than 25,000 seats. Rule No. 5 The â€œgood old daysâ€ were not as good as you think they were. Not in racing and not in anything else. Rule No. 6 People being paid like adults to be in racing should act like adults. Rule No. 7 If your driver isnâ€™t getting enough attention, he needs to pass more people. Rule No. 8 At some point on every Fridayâ€™s show, the race picks will be tied. Rule No. 9 Every married man has out-kicked his coverage. Rule No. 10 Joe Walsh was right when he sang, â€œI canâ€™t complain, but sometimes I still do.â€ Rule No. 11 The Morning Drive peaked on Jan. 1, 2007, when Barney Hall brought it on the air. Everything else is measured against that. Rule No. 12 Television is a pestilence, but pestilence can be part of a functioning ecosystem. Rule No. 13 Any caller criticizing another caller for calling about a topic is by default calling about the very topic he doesnâ€™t want people calling about. Rule No. 14 E-mails are great and weâ€™re proud to have them, but radio is better when you call. Rule No. 15 In all instances where ice is used, crushed ice is imminently preferable. Rule No. 16 Shannon Spake may appear on The Morning Drive at any time for any reason. Rule 16(a): Rule 16 also applies to Jamie Little, Krista Voda and Shannon Wiseman. Rule No. 17 Foo must be fought whenever and wherever foo can be found to be fought. Note: Manfeet, being one of the most horrifying examples of foo there is, are covered by this rule. Rule No. 18 Any situation not specifically covered herein falls under the â€œYouâ€™ll have that in big time auto acingâ€ doctrine.