Portman followed by Man from the Ports: Portman and Portly


Well-Known Member
Oct 12, 2008
Just listened to Howard dig into Natalie Portman for being uninteresting while on the Letterman show. While I loved hearing Howard sharpen his fangs for a celebrity shredding, I couldn't help but think of how terrible and uninteresting I find his wife to be while on talk shows. The segment started up(after nearly a week of forgetting to play the segment)with Howard complaining that he could hardly get through listening to the segment because of how boring Natalie Portman was with Dave.

He said that they started off by trying to remember if Natalie was 14 or 16 the first time she was on the show. Howard said that their exchange on this topic was mind numbing. It should be noted that this is a way of breaking the ice with someone, especially someone that is a recurring guest on any show, even Howard does this with people all of the time. I'm pretty sure there have been many Dee Snider interviews that linger in this area for quite awhile.

I was especially intrigued by this exchange...

"God...is Letteman tamed since what he used to be...man, cause he sat there and tolerates it"

"No, but that's what it's become; he has these pretty girls on and he struggles and struggles and struggles to make them interesting".

"Yeah, the only way to make her interesting is to cut to the chase and go, 'Do you shave?'...'When did you first get laid?'...'Do you like to blow guys and do you swallow'?"

I know they're just making a show, and believe me I did enjoy this part of the show, especially the part about Howard coming in to help Dave like a relief pitcher on the caliber of a Mariano Rivera. That was funny. But can anyone see the similarity between Dave trying to make his guest shine and to what Howard has to do to make his "pretty girls" shine. It's funny to me that Dave can be defined with his "struggles" while Howard is seen as a genius for asking girls to turn around so that he can see their ass. Perhaps it would be more interesting to hear Natalie Portman discussing the first time she got laid and whether or not she likes to blow guys, but does anyone think for one second that David Letterman is going to ask those questions? People don't watch Letterman for that type of entertainment.

And for that matter does anyone think that Howard would ask that of Natalie Portman, let alone to ever be in the position to ask that question? Perhaps that is why big stars, and yes Howard, Natalie is an A-list celebrity, these type of stars won't do his show?

Natalie is gorgeous and probably doesn't feel the need to juggle while on Dave's show, but perhaps she was relaxed while doing his show because she's done the show so many times already. I understand that she did the show because another guest dropped out.

Funny segment, but if Howard can't see any similarity between Natalie on Letterman and Beth or Good Morning Hoboken talking about animal rescues then I think he's losing out on a great chance to break his own balls in the process.


Hey Now!
Oct 15, 2008
Frederick, MD
Howard never breaks his own balls. I believe he completely agrees with your assessment, but he won't ever admit it. If you called in to make the same point, he would ask you questions, fishing to find some reason to call you stupid. Then, he would yell at you, call you stupid, and hang up.

What do you do for a living? A tax lawyer? A TAX LAWYER! What do you know about entertainment? <click>

What do you do for a living? A garbage man? A GARBAGE MAN! Can you even read!?! What do you know about entertainment? <click>

What do you do for a living? An entertainment executive? What have you worked on? That? THAT!?! THAT SHOW WAS TOTAL CRAP!!! You don't know anything about entertainment! <click>

The exchange would go something like that, but I think deep down he knows your points are true.


Active Member
Oct 14, 2008
Howard never breaks his own balls.

Howard never breaks his own balls....ANYMORE. It's sad. I don't expect him to be brutally honest with Beth, but he and the crew wear about ten pair of kid gloves!