Wack Pack Factors

The show seems to be having a really difficult time pinning down who is in the Wack Pack and who isn't. I think I agree with Howard in that it should be freaks, less inclusive. It's still a work in progress, but I think the following factors indicate Wack Packiness. The more factors in play, the more likely the subject meets the qualification of Wack Packer. As I said, it's still a draft and not finalized in my mind:

1. Physical deformity - the more exotic/interesting the deformity, the better

2. Leech on society - the subject siphons off more of society's resources (i.e. welfare-type services) than the subject contributes

3. Speaking disorder - the subject suffers from some affliction preventing a normal cadence of voice (ex. stuttering, stammering, high-pitch voice, etc.)

4. Lack of close, personal relationships - the subject is unable to establish deep, meaningful relationships for extended periods of time (i.e. middle-aged virgins, non-virgins only due to acquiring services from a prostitute, non-virgins due to a hook-up with a questionable partner, too mentally deficient to consent to a relationship, etc.)

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" - obsessive to the point of valid concern from a mental health standpoint

6. Strange behavior - subject acts in a way not considered normal and does not recognize this behavior as abnormal

Any thoughts, both in regards to the criteria above or specific cases as to who is in and out?

scotchandcigar said:

The genius of THSS is when they feature these characters who are genuinely being themselves and not acting. Anyone can act outrageous, or be funny, but there's something unique and fascinating about these afflicted people just being who they are. So I'd agree that a wack packer has to be truly afflicted, and not just acting outrageous. I used to love Crackhead Bob, but Marianne from Brooklyn is just a superfan doing an act. I also felt that Debbie the Pet Lady was acting too.

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Crackhead Bob Profile:

1. Physical deformity - Complications from a stroke, so the deformities are internal but still notable and relevent, IMO

2. Leech on society - I lean towards no. He seems to be industrious, relatively-speaking but unconfirmed.

3. Speaking disorder - "Diken Dow Dane" = YES!

4. Lack of close, personal relationships - I lean towards no. He seems to be fine, relatively-speaking but unconfirmed.

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" - I think was yes, currently no. He did "retire" from the show and stays so today.

6. Strange behavior - No

1998: 3-1-2 in favor of being a Wack Packer
2015: 2-2-2 neutral in terms of being a Wack Packer


Marianne from Brooklyn Profile:

1. Physical deformity - No, arguably hot

2. Leech on society - No. Is in fact a caretaker of others.

3. Speaking disorder - "CAW CAW" = YES!

4. Lack of close, personal relationships - No. Happily married.

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" - Yes.

6. Strange behavior - Nothing besides the obsession of #5 above.

2-4 against being a Wack Packer

Planned or not, it's a legitimate debate in the sense that some people think it means something that others don't.

Beetlejuice:

1. Physical deformity - Yes. It's his nom de guerre.

2. Leech on society - With the exception of dwarf tossing and personal appearances, I would guess yes.

3. Speaking disorder - "Who me?" Pretty much a yes between his choice of words, vocal inflection, and logic.

4. Lack of close, personal relationships -Despite some reports of being married, I can't see how. However, I'll rate this as a stalemate.

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" - Surprisingly no. If anything, THSS has the unhealthy attachment to him.

6. Strange behavior - Big yes.

4-1-1 in favor

Eric the Actor:

1. Physical deformity -Club F'n footed, among other things, so yes.

2. Leech on society -Is there a counter-argument to this? No there's not, so another yes.

3. Speaking disorder -Pauses to breathe = yes.

4. Lack of close, personal relationships - Yes, with the possible exception of two people and one mattress.

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" -Definitely yes, as he developed a sock puppet when he was banned.

6. Strange behavior -WWE and AI obsessions alone qualify.

6-0! A perfect qualifier! God rest his soul.

Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf:

1. Physical deformity - Yes.

2. Leech on society - Probably was, but I don't know for sure.

3. Speaking disorder - Drunken slurring counts

4. Lack of close, personal relationships - Yes.

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" - Not sure, but it seems likely.

6. Strange behavior - Was drunk in a bunny outfit. Outside of THSS, this behavior is not normal.

4-0-2 - May be a perfect qualifier if I had more familiarity with his situation. God rest his soul.

Hanzi:

1. Physical deformity - Ugly, but that doesn't count. No.

2. Leech on society -Canada counts as a society. Yes.

3. Speaking disorder - Stammers = Yes.

4. Lack of close, personal relationships - A classic example, yes.

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" - Despite what he says, big yes.

6. Strange behavior - HAHAHAHAHA!

5-1 in favor. Can become a perfect qualifier if maimed.

Captain Janks:

1. Physical deformity - No

2. Leech on society - Not really, but was running a scam during the 2000s regarding appearances

3. Speaking disorder - No

4. Lack of close, personal relationships - Yes due to being a closeted homosexual. Since coming out of the closet, this may change.

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" - Yes

6. Strange behavior - Besides making prank phone calls and allegedly ripping off bars mentioned above, not really.

1-2-3 (benefit of the doubt assessment) against / 2-4 against (strict assessment) - Since he fought for it, I evaluated him twice.

Angry/Crazy Alice:

1. Physical deformity - No

2. Leech on society - Don't think so.

3. Speaking disorder - Does uncontrolled rage count?...Yes. She also sounds marble-mouthed a little too.

4. Lack of close, personal relationships - Yes as far as we know.

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" - Definitely in the past and recently popped back on the radar on at least one occasion in the last six months, so yes.

6. Strange behavior - Does uncontrolled rage count?...Yes.

4-2 in favor

Bigfoot (II):

1. Physical deformity - Yes.

2. Leech on society - Vermont counts as a society, yes.

3. Speaking disorder - Yes, it is.

4. Lack of close, personal relationships - On the surface, an engagement would mean no. However, a pre-op transexual co-habitating with him in a den of spiders makes me say yes. I'll say this, if the relationship lasts, I'll reassess this.

5. Unhealthy attachment to "The Howard Stern Show" - Actually seems to be no. Like Beetlejuice, the show seems more obsessed with him.

6. Strange behavior - HAHAHAHAHAHA!

5-1 in favor. If only he was obsessed with the show, he would be a perfect qualifier.

IMO, he's on something.